As I separated the whites and colours like every good human should, reaching into the seemingly bottomless laundry basket I realised that while my undies to days’ ratio matched, my boyfriend’s clearly did not. My partner looked me straight in the eye and said “I change a few times a day.”
“WHAT?” I quickly retaliated. In two years together, had I missed the signs of an irritable bowel or a rebellious bladder? I made a mental note, pay more attention. No. He insisted. “One pair for morning gym, one for the day, one for after work and one for bed.” Yes, I’m living with a 28 pairs per week, 121 per month, 1456 per year kind of guy and I didn’t even realise.
I was fuming – how ridiculously excessive. The eco-warrior in me hates to think what all this jock washing is doing to Nemo and friends. But like all women, I’m a visionary. And that’s when it came to me. …. my boyfriend was sleeping naked. I was onboard, too. We’d save on our eco/organic/gluten free laundry liquid (jokes on the GF) each week and I’d been reading good things about this sleeping naked business.
There was no turning back. It was a Monday, the start of a fresh week, new diet and the beginning of our night nudity policy. I’ll admit as someone who usually has the protective layer of a Peter Alexander PJ leaving some mystery to my lady bits, I was worried I’d wake up with his junk somewhere it shouldn’t be.
Thankfully there was no prodding in the back with you know what. Instead, wiping my sleepy eyes, I felt a kiss on my shoulder from my partner with some lovely skin-to-skin spooning. It was one of those sweet Sunday moments. Sadly however, it was Tuesday. And with that thought, I leapt out of bed and made a Bridget Jones style dash to the shower trying to keep some dignity and mystery.
Sure, on a Saturday night I’m all fierce body-loving like Beyonce and shaking my Shakira hips but sometimes a gal just needs to eat dinner off her lap in her cotton full briefs, revelling in an extreme bloat. Tuesday was one of those days. Despite my worries, sex therapist Chantelle Otten reckons you should go nude, even after a big meal. “Science says being in close contact with a partner can increase oxytocin in your brain by a substantial amount. The feel-good hormone, has further been observed to reduce the stress hormone cortisol. By reducing stress, your blood pressure decreases, digestion improves and intestinal tract inflammation decreases.” Good reason to get over any insecurities and into the buff.